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MY FRIEND HAS A NEW FRIEND



So your really close friend has a new friend and has relegated you to the background? Both of you used to be as tight as thieves, you knew each other’s secrets, you went out together and have gone through a lot (good and bad) together. Now you see things between the both of you falling apart. You feel the gulf getting wider and wider and it seems like there’s nothing you can do. Initially, you felt you were overreacting about the reality of status of your friendship but you do feel like you are drowning and helpless. You think about the good times, the laughs, the tears...Now you can’t even put a finger to what’s really going on because you cannot understand it. You realize that you are losing your friend gradually to this new friend.
Good, now that you have come to the realization, what are you going to do about it? Now that this new friend has taken your place in your friend’s life, what do you do? This is a friendship that has lasted almost 10 years. So WHAT DO YOU DO? Here are your options:

1. Continue to ignore like you haven’t noticed anything different, afterall you don’t want to make anyone feel too special by complaining.
2. Confront your friend and demand that the new friend be kicked out because three is a crowd.
3. Ignore your friend too, she’ll have a guilty conscience after a while and by then you have moved on from her. 
4.  Make your own “new friend” and flaunt it in your friend’s face because you know, two can play that game. Your mum didn’t raise a weakling! You can’t have anyone feeling like you are paper napkin.
5. Get a private investigator to dig up evidence of the “intruder’s” shady past and present to your friend so she can finally see that  her new friend is bad news.

If by now you are even REMOTELY considering any of the above, then I have nothing to say to you other than, “it is well with you” because, you need help.

So if you find yourself in this situation, what then do you do? 

1. EVALUATE YOUR FRIENDSHIP 
I’m a firm believer in talking things out. So you would need to ask yourself what the friendship means to you. Do you want it salvage it or this opportunity is a blessing in disguise because you have ways wanted to cut off from her as a friend? Your decision would determine if you take step number 2 or not.

2. GIVE THEM SPACE
Now you have thought about it all and you have come to the conclusion that this new friend that is “shacking” your longtime friend is a blessing in disguise because, you have been looking for an opportunity to end the friendship. Now you’re on cruise control because you couldn’t give two cents whether your friend has abandoned the friendship or not, infact she did you a favour because you didn’t know how to go about telling her you were done. God really works in mysterious ways. Haha hurray!!!

3. HAVE A SIT DOWN
If option 2 just above doesn’t apply to you and you still want to be friends with her, you would need to have “the talk” with her. Now this is what you do: when you have this meeting with your friend, DO NOT MENTION THE NEW FRIEND THAT SHE HAS. This is very important. Talk only about the both of you and your friendship. Talk about the distance you have noticed recently between you two and that you wonder the cause. Talk about how you played your part trying to reach out but have met coldness from her. Ask her what’s going on with her, encourage her to talk about the friendship and its future. Really listen to what she has to say. Hopefully she realizes that she has not been “nice” to her longtime friend because of this new one. She apologizes and promises to do better. You hug, maybe cry and all is well again.

VITAL TIPS
a. Never mention the new friend as the reason why you think your friend has been distant, because new friendship, just like a new boyfriend is addicting. So don’t mention the new friend because it makes you look jealous and possessive.
b. When you have “the talk” with your girl, NEVER sound desperate. If you know your worth, your friend should too. You simply put your cards on the table in a friendly way and not in a desperate, I-need-to-be-your-friend-please way. If she values the friendship, by the end of the talk, both of you would be cool again.
c. Do not be jealous of your friend having a new friend. Living life has to do with making friends whether in our personal lives, in business, career and so on. Do not have a chokehold grip on your friend and act all crazy because they made a new friend. Be open minded and accepting.
d. Do not be that friend that abandons their old friends when they make a new friend or have a new relationship. It questions your loyalty. Rather be inclusive and have them meet each other, especially if you operate in the same social circle. 
e. Finally, spread your wings. Your life is not tied to one friend; go out there and meet people. You never know what opportunities await you when you do so. 
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